What weekend cocaine has executed to my husband terrifies me. I leveraged to organization too – however an embarrassing event with my mother and father establishing he's gone too distant: ASK JANA

Dear Jana,

My husband uses cocaine most weekends and I’m starting to wonder whether I’ve been too relaxed about it.

Before we married, I would describe him as an occasional user – and, to be honest, so was I. I only saw it at birthdays or really big nights out. 

But in the year since our wedding, I’ve realised he takes it almost every Friday and Saturday. Sometimes he stays awake after I go to bed and drinks alone until sunrise.

He has a good job and never misses work, so he says I’m being dramatic. He also points out that I pour a glass of wine after work, sometimes two, and asks why my vice is socially acceptable while his apparently makes him a drug addict.

Last weekend we were supposed to have lunch with my parents, but he was still awake when I got up at eight in the morning. He promised he would sleep for an hour and come meet me there, then didn’t answer his phone until late that afternoon. 

I lied and told my parents he had food poisoning.

I love the person he is during the week, but every Friday I feel myself preparing for him to disappear. Does this already count as a drug problem even if the rest of his life still looks normal?

White Line Wife

Dear White Line Wife,

I’m going to be brutally honest with you. Living in the eastern suburbs of Sydney, I’ve seen a few friends lose their husbands to cocaine. 

I’ve also dated these men after their divorces and quickly realised how much the white stuff would have played a part.

These men were always the life of the party in their 20s and early 30s, but when they can’t enjoy a night out without a ‘bag’ in their late 30s and 40s, you realise it’s turned into a habit, not just a good time.

Just last week I went on a first date with a guy who pulled one out after our first cocktail. Red flag, red flag.

I can never understand why people don’t think cocaine is addictive. 

Anyway, safe to say, reading your letter made me concerned you’re heading in the same direction.

Daily Mail columnist Jana Hocking (pictured) gives advice to a woman who says her husband’s cocaine habit is becoming a concern

Using almost every Friday and Saturday is… a lot. And expensive.

Staying awake to drink alone until sunrise is also deeply concerning. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’ve come home after a stressful day and poured myself a glass of wine to enjoy alone, preferably in the bath, but drinking through the night until the sun comes up points to a much larger dependency.

Put it this way: I had an ex who did that. Where did he end up? Rehab.

The fact that your husband immediately brings up your wine tells me he’s nowhere near ready to be honest about his own drug use. Trust me, from my own experience and from watching friends go through the same thing, you cannot force someone to confront a problem they are determined to brush off.

What you can do is tell him plainly that you’re worried and explain exactly what his cocaine use is doing to your marriage. Then pay very close attention to how he responds. If he listens and agrees to seek help, there may be a way forward. 

If he deflects again and tries to make you feel ridiculous, that tells you just how unwilling he is to face up to it.

But please don’t let this man gaslight you into thinking your situations are the same.

The fact you have already started lying to your parents about his behaviour is another mighty big red flag. I understand why you did it. You were embarrassed and trying to protect him. 

But this is how enabling begins. You cover for him once, then twice, and before long you’re spending every weekend cleaning up the fallout while he insists there isn’t a problem.

So stop covering for him. I’m not suggesting you shame him in front of your parents, because humiliation is unlikely to lead to any meaningful change, but tell him you will no longer lie for him, and see if that makes him shift behaviour.

There are plenty of white-collar workers who look perfectly functional from the outside while their home life quietly falls apart. Having a good job doesn’t mean he has his cocaine use under control; it simply means he hasn’t lost the job yet.

If he refuses to get help, you need to decide how many more Fridays you’re prepared to lose to this.

Dear Jana,

A few months ago, my husband broke his penis while we were having sex. I was on top, he slipped out and I came down on it. There was a loud crack and he immediately started screaming. 

I honestly thought he was being dramatic until it started swelling and turning purple.

We ended up in emergency at two in the morning, where he had to explain what happened several times before being taken in for surgery. It was awful, although I’ll admit I did have to stop myself from laughing when he told the doctor I had ‘landed on him with considerable force’.

He has recovered, but we’ve only attempted sex once since and he panicked the moment I tried to get on top. Now he only wants to do it in one position, very slowly, while repeatedly asking me to be careful. It feels like I’m having sex with someone who has just had a hip replacement.

I know it must have been genuinely traumatic for him, but our sex life has become so tense that I’m starting to avoid it altogether. 

Will he eventually get over this or have I put him off sex for life?

Penis Breaker

A woman who accidentally broke her husband’s penis while on top is worried he might never recover. (Stock image posed by models)

Dear Penis Breaker,

Oh girl, you’re not the first woman to break a pecker, and you certainly won’t be the last. I have a friend who works in emergency and she has seen a startling number of men arrive in this exact, very painful position. Who knew it was super common? 

Reverse Cowgirl participants, beware.

I can understand why your husband is slightly traumatised. I have no doubt every male reader is silently holding his crotch right now.

But hubby has two options: never have sex again, or get some help and slowly learn to trust his penis again.

First, send him back to his urologist for a follow-up. He needs to hear from the person who repaired it that everything has healed properly and whether there are any positions or movements he should avoid. 

That reassurance may carry slightly more weight coming from a medical professional than from the woman who ‘landed on him with considerable force’.

Once he has the all-clear, start slowly. Very slowly. Take penetration off the menu for a little while and do all the other fun things that don’t place his poor pecker in mortal danger.

Oral for all.

Then, when he’s ready, let him choose the position and control the pace. Reverse cowgirl can remain banned until further notice. Perhaps doggy is in order? At least that way, he can steer the ship and you can’t come crashing down on deck.

And if he still panics after his doctor has reassured him, a psychosexual therapist could help him work through the fear.

So no, I don’t think you have frightened your husband off sex for life. But perhaps it’s time to let him get back in the saddle with you on all fours. 

Giddy up.