A Devon mother with incurable breast cancer has held a solo wedding celebration so she could experience wearing her dream dress, surrounded by family and friends, rather than continue waiting for the “perfect circumstances”.
Amanda Barnes, 49, from Totnes, was diagnosed with stage four cancer in October 2022 after the disease was found to have spread to her spine. She had previously been warned that she might not live beyond March 2023.
Friends helped her arrange the occasion at the Ilsington Country House Hotel near Newton Abbot, where she was joined by 30 loved ones. There was no groom, but Barnes said the day was filled with love.
“There may not have been a groom, and that didn’t matter, because there was no shortage of love,” she said.
“And I wore the dress of my dreams. My family and friends pulled together to make something I’d always dreamed about actually happen. The love I’ve received has been overwhelming.
“I just never found the right person, and sometimes you can’t keep waiting for the perfect circumstances.”
Amanda Barnes’ decision to hold a solo wedding
Barnes first noticed a lump, about the size of two grapes, beneath her left arm in October 2021. She also experienced hot and cold spells and swelling in her left breast, but an ultrasound the following month and another scan in March 2022 were reported as normal.
After continuing to feel exhausted and unwell, she underwent a biopsy in June and was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer the following month.
“It was a huge shock. I had no idea it was cancer, but I did feel like something was very wrong, because of the heat, the swelling, and the lump,” she said.
A PET scan in October showed that the cancer had spread to her spine, leading to the stage four diagnosis and the prognosis she might not survive beyond March 2023.
“I just couldn’t believe it,” Barnes said. “It was awful being given a date, and that date has stuck with me, but here I am.”
Radiotherapy helped shrink the tumours in her spine, and she continued to spend time with her children, Connor, 20, and Ruby, 17. She enjoyed hill walking, travelling and holidays with them, while later scans showed that the cancer had spread to her femurs and hips.
Barnes began chemotherapy in March this year. After five rounds at Torbay Hospital and two at a private clinic in London, she was told on August 26 that the cancer had spread to her brain. She has also lost the sight in her right eye after the disease spread there.
Despite the progression of her illness, she said she did not want cancer to determine how she spent the time she had left.
“Cancer has taken an enormous amount from me, but while I’m still able to make choices for myself, I don’t want it to take away my ability to enjoy being alive,” she said. “Sometimes it takes all my effort just to get through the day.”
In July, Barnes contacted her friend Jenny Hardy, 37, and decided to make the wedding-day celebration happen. She found a fitted dress with a straight skirt and long split at Prudence Gowns in Plymouth.
The day included hair and make-up, spa treatments and a Sunday roast with her loved ones. Barnes said the experience allowed her to fulfil one of her oldest ambitions.
“It was absolutely fantastic,” she said. “I just wanted to fulfil one of my oldest and greatest dreams while I still could.
“I did it. I wore the most beautiful wedding dress, and had a wonderful few hours full of love.”
Footage of the celebration was later shared by her friend Lucy on TikTok and viewed by millions. Barnes said she hoped the response would encourage others not to postpone experiences while waiting for life to become perfect.
“Take the trip. Wear the dress. Spend time with your children. Tell the people you love what they mean to you. Make the memory while you can,” she said.
“This isn’t really about my cancer diagnosis or my dress. It’s about love, kindness, family, friendship, and being alive.”
Barnes, a company director, is continuing chemotherapy at a Harley Street clinic. She has spent around £700,000 on private cancer treatment over the past four years, covered by health insurance, after receiving only a few months of NHS care earlier this year.
“I’m just not ready to stop,” she said.
