A new study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships suggests that people living with their partners often know when they are helping or hindering each other’s goals, but they tend to underestimate the extent to which they get in the way. The research links these overly positive self-perceptions to less satisfactory relationship dynamics.
The researchers note that a partner can ease goal pursuit by offering encouragement, joining in, carving out time or space, or simply avoiding actions that make goals harder. Conversely, obstruction can arise through competing needs, conflicting routines, or everyday frictions that spill over into daily life.
The study, led by Emily Connard and colleagues, examined whether individuals can accurately recognise their own influence on their partner’s daily goals. A key question was whether people show tracking accuracy—whether their self-assessments align with their partner’s reports—and whether biases, such as projecting one’s own experiences onto the other, are present.
Data came from 212 participants, or 106 cohabiting couples, living in the United States. Couples were recruited via online advertisements, including postings in major cities, and all participants were over 18, fluent in English, with daily internet access and cohabitation requirements.
After an initial intake, couples who passed attention checks entered a 14-day daily diary phase. Each night, partners independently completed brief reports about that day. The final analyses drew on 2,377 daily reports from the 106 couples.
On a daily basis, participants rated whether their partner made it easier for them to make progress toward their goals, using a seven-point scale. They also rated whether they themselves made it easier for their partner. Obstruction was measured by asking whether their partner made progress more difficult, and whether they themselves did so for their partner. Relationship quality was assessed with a daily measure of satisfaction and closeness.
The findings show that participants exhibited some tracking accuracy. When partners reported greater helpfulness, participants similarly viewed themselves as more helpful, and the same pattern appeared for obstruction.
At the same time, the study found clear projection. When participants felt their partner had helped their own goals, they were more likely to see themselves as helping their partner’s goals, and when they felt obstructed, they were more prone to see themselves as obstructing.
Overall, participants were broadly accurate in assessing how instrumental they were to their partner’s goals, but they tended to underestimate how much they obstructed them. In essence, people were more inclined to recognise their helpfulness than their hindrance.
These misperceptions carried implications for relationship outcomes. Overestimating one’s instrumental impact correlated with lower relationship satisfaction, while underestimating obstruction correlated with reduced closeness and lower partner satisfaction. The pattern implies that accuracy, rather than an overly positive view, benefits both partners.
Researchers cautioned that the sample was drawn from the United States and was predominantly White, which may limit generalisability across cultures and demographics. Moreover, without external observer reports, it remains unclear whether discrepancies reflect self-misperception, partner overreporting, or a combination of both.
The study, titled Do people know how they impact their Partner’s goal pursuit? Accuracy, bias, and associations with relationship outcomes, was authored by Emily Connard, Jenna L. Kilian, Judith Gere, and Jessica E. LaBuda. It offers insight into how daily goal pursuit within cohabiting relationships can shape, and be shaped by, how partners view one another’s influence.
