Anne-Marie Duff has revealed that her late brother’s Alzheimer’s battle made them ‘much closer’ as she reflected on losing her sibling and her mother within months of each other.
The actress, 55, spoke in a new interview with Good Housekeeping UK where she opened up about her family and navigating grief.
Anne-Marie lost her mother Mary last December following a long-term illness and then her brother Eddie at the age of 57 in February of this year to early-onset Alzheimer’s.
She took 18 months off from her acting career to care for her family during the difficult time.
Touching on how she has been coping in the aftermath this year she told the publication: ‘Grief is a motherf***er. I don’t know where I am with it, but I think that’s probably all right.’
She also addressed her career break, saying: ‘I wanted to be around. I’m so happy that Dad and I were able to be there at the end for both my mum and Eddie. It was hard as hell, but this is midlife, huh? This is loving people.’
Anne-Marie Duff has revealed that her late brother’s Alzheimer’s battle made them ‘much closer’ as she reflected on losing her sibling and her mother within months of each other
The actress, 55, spoke in a new interview with Good Housekeeping UK where she opened up about her family and navigating grief (Anne-Marie and brother Eddie pictured as children)
Eddie was diagnosed in 2017 in his late 40s, and lived with the Alzheimer’s for 15 years before his death from pneumonia brought on by the disease.
Anne-Marie explained in her candid new interview: ‘Early onset Alzheimer’s is very aggressive and it was desperately sad when his life started to change. Despite that, we had the most extraordinary few years.
‘Once I’d learned to go with the flow, there were no distracting factors, just love and connection. We became much closer.’
Back in May she detailed her final moments with Eddie as she got candid about the hardships of caring for someone with dementia.
Reflecting on the final moment they shared together before he passed, Anne-Marie explained she’d known she was ‘saying goodbye’.
She described how she’d been sat by his bedside while he was sleeping and when he woke, she told him: ‘Eddie, say everything you want to tell me before you go, pal.’
‘For half an hour he looked me dead in the eye and just talked – although, of course, it didn’t make sense,’ she recalled to The Times.
‘I feel extraordinarily blessed to have had such a profound moment with my sibling. I knew that I was saying goodbye.’
The actress said Eddie’s symptoms began when he was just 40 years old, with her noticing that he was frequently turning up to work late or getting on the wrong bus, eventually losing his job at a polling company.
Anne-Marie lost her mother Mary last December following a long-term illness and then her brother Eddie (seen) at the age of 57 in February of this year to early-onset Alzheimer’s
Touching on how she has been coping in the aftermath this year she told the publication: ‘Grief is a motherf***er. I don’t know where I am with it, but I think that’s probably all right’
Anne-Marie took 18 months off from her acting career to care for her family during the difficult time
Anne explained in her candid new interview: ‘Early onset Alzheimer’s is very aggressive and it was desperately sad when his life started to change’
But Anne-Marie admitted she’d never suspected that he had young-onset dementia, where people develop the devastating condition before the age of 65.
She shared her sadness as she recalled how her brother was already so far into the illness when he got the diagnosis that he couldn’t fully comprehend it, speaking as though he would eventually recover.
But she admitted she felt ‘relieved in a way’ to have an answer to what was wrong, saying: ‘I could lean on something for the first time, because I’d kind of been dealing with it on my own. You go, ‘Oh, thank God, somebody knows how to handle this, because I haven’t a clue.”
Eddie had no job, no partner and no children to care for him when he received the devastating diagnosis, and first moved in with Anne-Marie before they found him state-funded supportive housing.
While she admitted living with someone with dementia was ‘exhausting, frightening and potentially dangerous for you both’, she described Eddie as still being ‘so joyful’ and said they laughed together more than ever in that time, because they were spending so much more time together.
Recalling how touching it was to watch her parents revert back to caring for him as they would have done when he was a child, Anne-Marie said seeing those moments made her think ‘That’s love right there’.
But as Eddie’s condition worsened, she explained how it became clear he needed to be moved to a more secure and specialist accommodation because he began wandering off on his own, which was very dangerous.
However, the TV star said the family found themselves in the ‘midst of a nightmare’ as many dementia-specific homes with round-the-clock care refuse to take patients under the age of 65.
Anne-Marie shared her anger as she recalled the local council dismissing Eddie as ‘fine’, despite him being fully incontinent and unable to feed or dress himself at that time.
‘I don’t think it’s malevolent, but it’s convenient gaslighting because it is cheaper and easier to place the burden on the family or spouse,’ she said. ‘I felt like I was going mad a little bit during those months where I couldn’t get hold of anybody.’
While she branded the quality of overall dementia care over the past ten years as ‘a mudslide’, describing the conditions of one home she visited as ‘desperately sad’ and ‘one of the most shocking things I’ve ever seen in my life’.
The family eventually found accommodation for Eddie outside of London, but for costs far exceeding his statutory financial support.
And acknowledging her privilege in being able to afford the fees, Anne-Marie pointed out: ‘I knew that I’d have to contribute a lot of money, and that’s fine because I’m Anne-Marie Duff off the telly. But they didn’t know that. What do people do?’
‘Living with someone who has dementia is exhausting, frightening and can be dangerous for you both. And you’re just left alone,’ she added.
The full interview can be read now in the October issue of Good Housekeeping UK.
For confidential advice, call Alzheimer’s Society’s Dementia Support Line on 0333 150 3456.
WHAT IS DEMENTIA?
Dementia is an umbrella term used to describe a range of neurological disorders
A GLOBAL CONCERN
Dementia is an umbrella term used to describe a range of progressive neurological disorders (those affecting the brain) which impact memory, thinking and behaviour.
There are many types of dementia, of which Alzheimer’s disease is the most common.
Some people may have a combination of different types of dementia.
Regardless of which type is diagnosed, each person will experience dementia in their own unique way.
Dementia is a global concern but it is most often seen in wealthier countries, where people are likely to live into very old age.
HOW MANY PEOPLE ARE AFFECTED?
The Alzheimer’s Society reports there are more than 900,000 people living with dementia in the UK today. This is projected to rise to 1.4 million by 2040.
Alzheimer’s disease is the most common type of dementia, affecting between 50 and 75 per cent of those diagnosed.
In the US, it’s estimated there are 5.5 million Alzheimer’s sufferers. A similar percentage rise is expected in the coming years.
As a person’s age increases, so does the risk of them developing dementia.
Rates of diagnosis are improving but many people with dementia are thought to still be undiagnosed.
IS THERE A CURE?
Currently there is no cure for dementia.
But new drugs can slow down its progression and the earlier it is spotted, the more effective treatments can be.
Source: Alzheimer’s Society
